A Moment of Pain, of Freedom
by beautiful-bella
Summary: Desperate to escape the pain Bella does the unimaginable.Can anyone help her set during the first month Edward left.I suck at summaries.Please R&R...rated T 4 some teen situations. . .hope you love it. . .
1. Pain and Freedom

_**Author's Note------hey, this story came to me during my study hall class when my wrist went numb so i dug my nails into my wrist to get the feeling back. . .i love Edward and was very sad that he left in New Moon, but this story came so i had to write it. . .Also, i don't know if i should continue with this. . .please r&r after to tell me how you feel, whether its to support or to critique. . .i love the feed back. . .thanks, beautiful-bella**_

_**Disclaimer----sadly i don't own any of the characters or the Twilight series the lucky Ms. Stephanie Meyer does.**_ ****

A Moment of Pain, of Freedom

I woke up expecting to feel cool arms around me but I didn"t, 't then the truth dawned on me. My fairytale, my dream had ended. And I felt the pain, not physical pain, but emotional pain. I wish I could escape this never-ending pain. I had been almost a whole month since _he_ left me. Although, I never thought of killing myself before, recently I had been thinking about cutting myself. Every time before when I thought about it I knew it was so stupid. But when we watched a video about it in school, I heard how when those people cut themselves they didn't feel any of their emotional pain, only physical. I loved the idea of getting away from this terrible pain. But, could I handle the blood, could I ever really be desperate enough to do it, was I depressed enough to do it?

As I slammed down my books on the table, I realized the pain was different today, worse. "Bella, this is enough. You won't eat hardly at all. Please eat; are you trying to commit suicide?" Charlie asked angrily tired of seeing me like this. "No dad, I'm not trying to commit suicide. I'll try to eat more." I said stuffing half a granola bar in my mouth to prove it. "I have to get to school. Bye dad love you." I said getting up.

I left the house wondering how much more pain I could handle. Seeing Charlie like that, so sad and angry was terrible, I hated seeing him like that.

The day was terrible, one of the worst. When I got home I was crying, I felt angry and hurt. I through my jacket and backpack down and started to break down, when I heard the phone ring. I ran to the kitchen to answer the phone when I tripped making a sharp can opener fall with me also. Slowly, my trembling hand picked it up. I completely forgot the phone and I blacked out. Suddenly, not knowing how, I was in my room against the wall. Without thinking, I got the can opener ad sliced horizontally (right to left) on my right wrist. The pain was unbelievable. All my other emotional pain left me. It was filled with a sharp sting and it was increasing. The pain was such a release. I felt so free, this is freedom, I thought. I sighed in relief. For this moment of pain, I got a moment of freedom. Then, the blood came; I smelt the rust and salt make me dizzy. I felt the freedom slipping away. The last thing I remember I felt was more pain, both physical and emotional, because I saw Alice and Jasper. Then, darkness came over me.

"Bella, how could you. Do you have any idea how scared and betrayed I felt? I love you. What if you cut too deep, what if something happens? Please promise me you won't do it again. Think of how much it would hurt Charlie to see you like this, think of Esme, Carlisle, Emmett, me, everyone. Do you think any of us want to know what could happen if this continues. Please don't do it again." Alice said looking directly into my eyes.

"But how do you know what I did?" I asked dumbstruck. I'm pretty sure I'm dreaming, I don't feel any pain.

"I saw it in a vision. I tried to call you to stop you but it didn't help. Plus Jasper felt all your emotions." Alice said matter-of-factly, although her eyes were still sad and angry at the same time. "Bella, please I know how it felt but I can't handle it if you do it again. You are like my sister. Don't hurt yourself. We all love you. Promise me and Alice you won't do it again." Jasper pleaded sadly. "Okay, I promise," I said.

Then, I went under the dark and heard my alarm clock. Its Saturday, oops I set my alarm clock.

When I woke up, I knew I had dreamed it, and I wanted to feel that moment of freedom. I grabbed the can opener, went to the bathroom, and placed my right wrist over he sink, so I wouldn't get any blood in my room. As soon as I took the can opener, I felt two cold tiny arms around my hands and I remembered I had promised him and Alice. So many promises. . . _He_ made me promise not to do anything stupid or dangerous. Alice made me promise not to hurt myself again. I knew it was a dream but I couldn't break my promise. I loved them too muck. The pain returned in waves, each wave worse than the last. Better get used to the pain, I thought. The can opener fell into the sink. **(_A/N There weren't really Alice's arms, Bella just imagined it.)_**

I grabbed the can opener fell into the sink outside. I went right where he left e, I hadn't been here since. I dug a hole, dropped the can opener inside it and covered it. I knew I couldn't keep it because the temptation was still there. As soon as I was done, I let the memories I had repressed come back and I cried for what felt like eternity, but really was only a couple hours. When I heard the cruiser I got up and said quietly, "I love you Edward, I love you Alice. To all the Cullens, I love you. Forever." I walked inside and I became numb, lifeless, because my life has gone. The can opener was my funeral to my life, I was a zombie now.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOOXOXOXO**

**_Please R&R, tell me your thoughts and opinions. . .good or bad_**

**_--beautiful-bella_**


	2. Author's Note: not real chapter

_**Hey,**_

_**Sorry this isn't a real chapter; I just wanted to know if I should continue this fanfic? If you think I should tell me, if you thought it was a complete waste of time, tell me. . .I love getting reviews back, even the bad ones just tell me what you think. I love being told what I should improve on. . .sorry again to all those people who were hoping that I was adding more, I hate when you think a new chapter is coming and its only a author's note. . .**_

_**Sincerely,**_

_**Beautiful Bella **__**or **__**Jacquelyn**_


	3. Alice POV after Bella's dream

_**hey, i hope you like this chapter, sorry it isnt very long. . .i need some advice on what i should do next. . .i have an idea of what to do but i could always use advice. . .please R&R. . .thanx alot. . .**_

_**Dislaimer-i sadly dont own the Twilight series. . .i am so mad not to be the awesome Stephanie Meyer. . .she is so talented. . .i dont own any of the characters, and this is just my creative side based off the Twilight series. . .**_

_**Alice POV**_

"_Jasper, do you think Edward will find out what we did. I mean he said hot to see Bella." I said, worried. I was staring at a magazine and didn't have any idea what I was reading. _

"_Alice. . .," Jasper said in a sad voice. I looked up to him and he smiled a small smile. "Alice, what we did is nothing to be ashamed of. Bella was hurting herself, we had to stop her. Edward might be mad, but we did the right thing. If I had better control, I wouldn't have attacked Bella and Edward wouldn't have left her, made her hurt herself." Jasper finished in a pained voice. His eyes were in anguish and they looked ashamed. _

_I reached up, put my hand on his smooth cheek, and said, "Jasper, what happened isn't your fault. Everybody makes mistakes. Edward was the one who chose to leave. This is all just one big mistake." I gave him a big hug and after a while I finally asked, "Do you think Bella will keep her promise?"_

"_Only time will tell. She was very confused and she thought she was dreaming. Before she cut herself, her pain. . .it was unimaginable. I wanted to die. I don't know how she's surviving. I wanted to kill Edward for putting her in that misery. I wanted to cut her myself, just to put her out of her pain. When she cut herself. . .I felt as if I was finally free. . .free from the pain, the anguish, the loss, the heartbreak. Then, when her blood came it slipped away, the freedom and all the pain returned. It isn't wrong for her to want to do what she's doing, maybe more. I probably would have committed suicide by then. How she felt. . .I never want anyone to feel that way again. Bella promised and part of me wishes to my very core for her to keep her promise. . .but. . ." Jasper said in a voice full of misery and despair. He looked so depressed. _

"_But you want her to not have to go through the pain still and for her to be happy too. I know, that's exactly how I feel too." I said finishing Jasper's sentence. He pulled me into a big hug and I closed my eyes and relaxed. Jasper put on my favorite movie __**Clueless**__ and he rubbed my stomach softly. _

**_Author's Note----please R&R and give me advice on what to do next. . ._**

**_beautiful-bella_**


	4. Author's Note: NOT ACTUAL CHAPTER SORRY

_**Author's Note**_

_**Hey, sorry I know I hate when people do this, update but do an author's note instead of a chapter, but I need your help. I want to know what you think I should do next in my fanfic. Should I tell what happened in the first chapter in Alice or jasper's POV **_**OR **_**should Edward come home and find out **_**OR **_**should I continue with what Bella is going to do now that she isn't cutting herself???? I need your help. . .**_

_**Thanks,**_

_**beautiful-bella**_


	5. Alice POV of chaper 1

_**A.N.----**_

_**Hey, sorry I haven't updated in awhile, I was having writers block. . .I know how I want this story to go **__**but**__** I was having trouble getting it down. . .I am extremely sorry. . .I feel terrible about leaving you for so long. . .well ummmmmm. . .this is sort of a repeat kind of chapter. . .this is Alice's POV of the first chapter. . .while I was procrastinating I came up with at least five really good story ideas. . .after reading this I want to know how many of you actually want me to continue writing this story. . .at the end review and tell me if I should finish or if I should go to another story idea. . .I hope you like this chapter and I hope you continue to read. . .if you have any suggestions tell me and I might add them to the story. . .wow this is a really long A.N. . .w/out further adu(idk if its spelled right) I give the next chapter of A Moment of Pain, of Freedom. . .**_

_**Disclaimer---sadly I don't own the Twilight series. . .wahhhhhhhhhhhh oh well at least I own all my fanfics and all three stories. . .**_

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO**

**Alice POV**

" _I hate it here, it is always so-" I started. Then, suddenly, I felt myself get pulled into a vision. Everything went ice cold and everything around me disappeared. No more __Denali__, no more house, no more Jasper. I wasn't used to this kind of vision, it was so strong, like I _needed_ to see this. _Okay_, I thought_, this is new, what's so important. _I felt a gust of wind like I was traveling faster than even vampires. Suddenly, I was back in Forks, specifically outside of __Bella's house_Oh crap, Edward told me not to get visions of Bella anymore. Well, it isn't like I an control the future or people's decisions. I couldn't control who and what I saw anymore than I could control my height.

_I knew I was her to see something so I knew I better get going. I listened closely, I heard crying, the sweet salty tears smelt like the one's of Bella. With the wind blowing and the rain her scent was even more pronounced. I walked inside, Bella wouldn't see me in my visions, the people in my visions never did. Bella had come in and was crying, she looked very bad. She had lost a lot of weight, too much, and she had heavy bags under her eyes. He hair looked dull and she didn't have the color to her skin that she had with Edward. She really didn't have a life with out him. _Stupid Edward.

_Bella was crying, she looked pained, in anguish. She was frowning. She looked like she was struggling to breathe. She sank to the floor, pulled her knees to her chest and hugged them closer to her tiny, fragile body. Bella closed her eyes, tears fell uncontrollably, one after the other. _I hope she hasn't cried too much, it breaks my heart, _I thought. I never knew she cried so sadly. _

_She put her forehead on her knees, still sobbing uncontrollably. I wanted desperately for this vision to end. I hated seeing Bella in so much pain. I heard the phone ring; Bella stood up, her eyes still glazed over with tears. She ran to the kitchen, in a blurred vision. On the way there, she tripped and sent a sharp can opener down with her. Bella slowly picked the can opener up, forgetting completely about the phone call. She looked like she was in a trance. As if in a complete daze, Bella started walking to her room, when she arrived Bella looked completely confused as to how she got there. Again, she looked down at the object in her left hand. Very suddenly, she sliced her right wrist horizontally (left to right). She looked so happy, so free, for that single moment. All the pain on her face was lifted, her face was the face I knew when she was with Edward. It was as if all the weight she carried was lifted off her back. Then, the blood came; everything came back, all her pain, then she fainted. _

_I felt the same ice cold feeling. I reached for Bella, I had to help her but I knew it was pointless. This hadn't happened yet, I couldn't help her yet, I saw what I needed to see. Then with the same gust of wind I was back in __Denali__ with Jasper. _

"_Jasper," I yelled frantically getting to my feet, walking to my purse to grab my phone," we need to -"_

"_Get to Forks, I know." Jasper said cutting me off. _

"_How do you know?" I asked as we ran out the door. I was completely puzzled as to how Jasper knew. We started running at out full speeds. The wind whizzed past our faces, normally we enjoyed this, but no excitement came, only the fear for Bella. _

"_When you had your vision, I felt every single emotion of Bella's. I felt everything she felt. It was like I was her. We have to hurry, we can't be too late. Call her, pretend to be Angela or someone." Jasper said frantically. We were both anxious; at our top speeds we pushed ourselves even faster. I followed his advice and called Bella. I was going to pretend to be Mrs. Newton. I dialed Bella's number while I ran I waited for her to answer. The phone kept ringing. Finally, after half an hour of running full speed we were finally in Forks. Bella had just got home and I called again. Then, suddenly everything clicked. The phone call in my vision was __my__ call. I made her trip, running to the phone. She cut herself because she tripped. A minute or two later Jasper started freaking out because of Bella's pain, he was feeling it again. I knew what was happening; I didn't need to see it again. Through the rain and wind I smelt Bella's tempting blood. We both ran to her house arrived a minute later. When we arrived I think Bella saw me. We entered through her window just as she was fainting. Bella saw me and said, confused, "Alice. . .Jaspeeeeeeeeeeeeeer"_

_When Bella awoke after a couple of minutes Jasper held off all of Bella's pain. Like she was dreaming, we decided to make Bella think she was dreaming, rather than cause her more pain. _

_Bella shot straight up and looked around. When she spotted Jasper and me we stood up. Staring at Bella I saw she looked so confused, staring at Bella I couldn't help but feel betrayed. _How could she do that. Cutting herself! What would happen if she cut too deep. Did she even think about how this would effect Edward. He would do something terrible. 'She promised' he always says. Ha. She didn't keep I so well, lets hope she does in the future. How could she betray me so badly._ I thought. _

"_Bella, how could you. Do you have any idea how scared and betrayed I felt? I love you. What if you cut too deep, what if something happens? Please promise me you won't do it again. Think of how much it would hurt Charlie to see you like this, think of Esme, Carlisle, Emmett, me, everyone. Do you think any of us want to know what could happen if this continues. Please don't do it again." I said looking directly into her eyes. I needed her to promise this._

"_But how do you know what I did?" Bella asked dumbstruck. _

"_I saw it in a vision. I tried to call you to stop you but it didn't help. Plus Jasper felt all your emotions." I said matter-of-factly, I tried to be nonchalant, but I don't think I fouled her. _

"_Bella, please I know how it felt but I can't handle it if you do it again. You are like my sister. Don't hurt yourself. We all love you. Promise me and Alice you won't do it again." Jasper pleaded sadly. "Okay, I promise," Bella said in a steady voice._

_After Bella promised I nodded my head slightly. Just enough for Jasper to see, but Bella wouldn't catch it. Jasper then put her in a deep sleep. I turned on her alarm and we left. Bella wouldn't find any trace of either Jasper or me. Feeling very guilty we ran back to __Denali__. I was responsible, Jasper caught a whiff of my guilt and she sent a wave of calm through me. When we arrived I finished my sentence in my head. _I hate it her, it's always so lonely, quiet, and there's no Edward and Bella.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO**

**_Remember to R&R. . .much love, i'll try to hurry updating if you want me to. . .sorry for the long wait. . ._**

**_much love to all,_**

**_beautiful-bella_**

**_or Jacquelyn_**


	6. Freedom From Pain

_**DO NOT KILL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so sorry for not updating sooner, this is one of my longest chapters so I really hope u like it. . .at first I wrote it and it took a long time to get down because I couldn't get the descriptions and everything write, I knew how I wanted this chapter to go so it was hard to get perfect. . .also, after I was done I decided what was missing so I had to add a lot to the beginning. And, I'm really sorry that I made all of you who are still reading this wait so long but I have to let my bff read it first because she loves this story, but her internet is messed up soooooooooooo I have to have her read it and make sure its good enough for you all who are waiting for me to update. But hey it was the holidays and I had to study for my finals, I have all nine periods too, so please read and review. . .I know I have made a lot of excuses so here please tell me what you think, suggestions, ect. Please don't hate me. . .sorry thanks 4 not hunting me down. . .also, this is my longest chapter yet so please appreciate it, it is 12 pages long. . .please enjoy n R&R. . .**_

_**Disclaimer**__**-I sadly don't own Twilight or any of the characters but I do own the plot for this fanfic. . .**_

_**Dedicated to all of the people who stuck with me until now and all the people who have waited for me to update. . .**_

_**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO**_

_**That Night**_

_**Bella's POV**_

_I had been numb for a month and a half now. I kept my promise to Alice and Jasper. Since that day I hadn't dome anything to hurt myself. I was lifeless, but I still felt all the pain in my dreams, or rather my nightmares. Angela still talked to me, she was the only one who did. Everyone else deserted me, I didn't blame them, but it still hurt. Whenever Angela could, she came and tried to talk to me. I really appreciated her. We only talked about school or worked together, but it really helped , it made me feel almost normal. Today, in biology we had a group assignment. We got to chose our partners, Angela chose me. _

"_Thanks for choosing me Ang, you don't have to if you don't want to." I said very grateful. _

"_I want to be your partner, Bella." Angela said quietly , ending the subject. _

_The rest of the day passed by in a blur, I only remembered that Angela was supposed to come by the store to discuss ideas for the project. Time seemed to move at double speed. Suddenly, it was at work. I helped customers and then finally close to the end of the day Angela showed up. _

"_Sorry Bella, I had to watch my brothers. You aren't mad are you?" Angela asked cautiously._

"_It's fine Angela, I don't mind. You had responsibilities." I said in my dead voice._

_We started getting ideas when a customer came in. "Sorry we're almost closed you can come back tomorrow."_

"_That's alright, I know where what I want is." he said in a ruff voice. I didn't care enough to help him. I tried to listen to Angela but I couldn't help getting the feeling that something terrible would happen. Angela was patient, she never got mad at my lack of attention. Finally, at 6p.m. I called to the customer. "Sir, we're closing, you need to leave." I went to the back to get the keys. I heard a scream and dropped the keys. After I picked up the keys I ran back out and saw Angela on the floor. There was a man empting the cash register. I rushed to Angela and she stirred once I got over to her. "What, what happened?" I asked. Before she could answer, there was a sound of breaking glass and I turned around. The customer from earlier had tackled the thief through the door. I stood up and went to get the money before the thief could. As I started picking up the money Angela went to help the customer up. Just as I finished Angela and the customer started walking to me. Suddenly, everything slowed down, I saw Angela asking the customer is he was okay and he replied that he was happy to help. Then, the thief sat up and pointed his gun at the retreating customer's back. I heard the noise of the gunshot and too late I screamed, "NO!!!" A large red stain was starting to form in the chest of the customer. He looked down at the blood and said "Sorry…" The smell was making me dizzy; the blackness was trying to steal my consciousness. Angela turned and started to run to me but just then, the thief turned his gun on Angela. Angela tripped and stumbled to the floor. The thief grabbed her and stood her up. Raising the gun to her head he shouted ate me, "Give me the money and she lives!" Quickly, I handed the thief the money. Angela had tears pouring down her face. When he released Angela instead of coming to me, she tried to get the money back. In the struggle, I heard another gunshot. Suddenly, my mind caught up, the thief's gun pointed straight into Angela's chest. A dark angry terrifying stain began to spread through Angela's white shirt. Angela fell back into my arms. I was so weak that I collapsed under her weight. Crying, the smell of Angela's blood began to affect me. I felt something hard hit the back of my head. Just as I lost conscious, I memorized the scene. The thief's retreating steps; Angela, brave, wonderful Angela, dead in my arms; the heroic customer on the ground I never knew, and the throbbing pain on my head as the darkness seized control of me. I felt another pain when my head hit the floor. _

_The next thing I knew was someone screaming. I tried to get up but something was holding me down. I opened my eyes and saw Angela's body, limp, on top of me, a huge red stain in the middle of her chest. Her kind eyes were blank and unseeing. Suddenly, Angela was lifted off me. I sat up and saw Mrs. Newton and Mike. Mike lifted Angela off me and helped me up. "Bella, what happened? Angela she's she's. . ." Mike said in a high voice. "She's dead, I know." I said starting to sob uncontrollably. "Are you okay? Bella, are you hurt too? Mike asked concerned. Before I could answer, the memories came crashing down on me; the brave customer, Angela, the thief's harsh cold evil voice, Angela's horrible red stain on her chest, everyone falling, everything. Everything except what the thief looked like, I only remembered his horrible voice. I blacked out._

_When I woke up I saw bright white lights. I was on an uncomfortable bed and heard a heart monitor. When I opened my eyes I was blinded momentarily blinded by the bright lights. I was in a hospital room, white everywhere and next to my bed was Charlie, sleeping. As he stirred a doctor came in. All he told me was that I was in shock and I had a slight crack in my skull, nothing major. After I was released I went to Angela's funeral. I refused to see her or her family. _

_Later that day I went to see her family alone. "I know I can't say anything to help but I am so sorry for your loss. When it happened Angela was trying to stop the thief. Her last moments were spent doing what Angela does best. She was kind and helping others. She helped me in many ways and was a wonderful person. I wish I could have been more like her. I know that if I could do anything to reverse what has been done I would . Please, I hope one day you'll find it in your hearts to forgive me. I would have done anything to make her live, I'm sorry. Angela helped me through very tough times in my life and she was a great friend. I'm so sorry." I left the room and went home sobbing. _

_The pain returned full force and this time the guilt of Angela and that brave customer's death. I could no longer be numb, and I couldn't help catch the thief. I could ever only remember his terrifying voice. I didn't talk to anyone. The police never caught the thief. My life was terrible. _

_**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO**_

_**A Month and a half Later**_

_The pain never ceased. The guilt stayed with me constantly. I was a zombie; the pain consumed me so I had no life. I ate and slept only enough to get through my day-to-day activities. Every moment of my life I was barely alive, either wishing for Angela to be alive again or trying not to remember _**him. **_I was in so much pain and guilt. I thought of my only escape, an escape that broke my promises. I planned very carefully. I still had to tell Charlie and Renee, but I couldn't let them stop me. And I had let __**him **__know I wasn't angry, ever if they never came back, I had to let them know. I knew exactly what I was going to do, how (with what), and where I was going to do it. _

_I sat at the kitchen table writing notes for all of them, the Cullens and Charlie and Renee. My life was nothing. . .a lonely, pointless, never-ending, black odyssey. My best friend, __**his **__sister had left, the other murdered. Never ever even saying good-bye. Tears started forming in my eyes, I blinked them back. The love of my life, the reason for my very existence left. I always knew I wasn't good enough for him. I was never mad at him, I didn't hate him for being honest with me. He gave me longer than I deserved, he showed me love, he gave my life meaning no matte how long it was. I could never thank him enough. I just wish that I __was__ enough for him. He gave me love, I knew that on matter what I always wanted them to be happy. I wanted Charlie and Renee to forgive me. I wanted them to know that I had always loved them and would always love them, and that I was sorry. I wanted all the Cullens, even Rosalie, to live long happy lives; for them to live wonderful lives and to make others as happy as they made me. I wanted __**him**__, Edward, even the thought of his name ripped my heart apart again and again. I hugged my sides, keeping myself together. I wanted Edward to find love, real love, to find someone to spend the rest of his life with, and to be as happy as I was with him. To stay perfect, the way I loved him. __**His**__ letter was the hardest and the saddest to write. I finished the last letter and I went to the kitchen to get the knife, the knife he had used himself. _

_I know I promised. So many promises, they meant nothing now. I promised not to do anything reckless or stupid; I promised not to cut myself anymore, so many promises. Cutting myself gave me my freedom, if only for those few seconds. After stopping, I became numb. But that numbness was ruined because of that night. Everything I did to try and help ease the pain failed. Every time I tried to get over him, I collapsed. I wasn't meant to ease the pain, I wasn't meant to get over him. This was stupid and reckless. This did hurt myself, but I didn't care. I needed freedom, I needed to get away from the pain. This was the only way away from the pain. This was the only way I knew how. I was going to deliver the notes to a special place for each person. I didn't know if the Cullens were ever coming back, but the notes would be there waiting for them. I found the house with all of their furniture there, left behind, all in the same places, exactly the same except for the dust. I placed each of the Cullen's notes in specific places. Alice's on her closet door; Jasper's on his chair; Esme's on the kitchen door; Carlise's on his office door; Emmett's on his Xbox; Rosalie's on the bathroom mirror. I left Edward's note in his room, on his black leather couch. I had loved his leather couch; he had attacked me and held me here the first time I came. I placed the letter on the soft seats. When I left, I was gasping for breath, I needed to leave all the memories. When I got home, I cleaned my room and left my note for Charlie on the TV. I knew Charlie would find it. With one last glance at my home I turned and left, for good. I got in my car; the car Edward hated so much, and went to the one place I felt a connection with him. I went to the meadow. When I got at the path I broke down and let the pain and memories know me down and come at me full force. While walking to the meadow I was in agony with the memories. Finally, I managed to get to the meadow. It was twilight. I knew today was a new moon so it would be completely dark. Then, I grabbed the knife from inside my jacket. I saw a flash of white in the silver. Taking one last look at my surrounding, I thought only one thought, Edward. I raised the knife and aimed for my broken heart. . ._

_**Charlie's POV**_

_As I parked the cruiser, I knew something was wrong. Bella's truck was gone and the lights were off. Why was not Bella home. I hurried to see if everything was all right. "Bella, Bells you here?" I cried out. I was worried. Oh crap, she would not go anything to hurt herself, would she? As I walked into the living room I turned around and sighted in relief as I saw a note with Bella' messy handwriting on it to me. The note said 'Dad' on the front. I opened the letter and my relief turned to horror. _

Dad,

I love you so much, I will always love you. I want to apologize for all the pain and trouble I have caused you. Thank you so much for letting me come live with you and for taking care of me. I am so sorry for what I am doing, please forgive me. Please continue to live a long happy life. Please, for me, continue to be happy and to move on. I am in too much pain to bear. I am sorry for doing this, I love you. Committing suicide is stupid, but this is my only freedom, my escape from the pain. Please don't try to stop me. I have a letter for mom with yours, please give it to her. I want you both to have my savings. Goodbye.

Love Always,

Bella

_I read this in horror. Bella, she was was. . .committing suicide. I quickly put the letter in my shirt pocket and ran to the phone. After he left I kept this number, just in case I ever needed it. Please, let this still work. . .I dialed the number and waited, praying, hoping he would answer and help. The phone rang, again and again. Finally, I heard a voice say hello. . ."Edward, Edward, hello Edward!" I cried into the phone. No one answered. After half a minute he said quietly, like he didn't believe it himself, "Charlie, Charlie is that you?" I sighted in relief, I didn't know if he could help, but I would try. _

_**Edward's POV**_

_I could not believe it. When I picked up the phone, Charlie sounded frantic. After I asked if it really was Charlie, he just sighed in relief. How did Charlie still have this number? What was wrong? I would have thought that Charlie would hate me. "Charlie, what's wrong?" I asked cautiously. Did something happen? "I don't know if you can help, but I. . .I didn't know who else to call. Please, I need your help." Charlie nearly screamed. Then, he began sobbing uncontrollably. Oh no, something must be wrong, but what._

_"Charlie, what's wrong, I'll help you. Please tell me. Charlie calm down, it can't be that bad." I said trying to make the crying stop. After a couple minutes he took big breaths and was ready to talk. _

_"It's. . .it's Bella. She, she left me a note and it said she loved me and not to try to stop her. She said she was committing suicide. I don't know what to do." Charlie said in a trembling voice. Then the sobs started again. _

_"Charlie, Charlie I'll be there in 15 minutes. Don't ask questions just trust me." I said I a husky voice. Then I hung up. As soon as I heard that this was about Bella my body took over. I was running as fast as I could and pushing myself still faster. Bella dammit Bella. How could she be so stupid? __She promised!!__ My life was nothing with out her. I couldn't loose her. I felt no thrill running, I never felt anything with out Bella. _

_Exactly 15 minutes later I was in front of Bella's house. Everything was the same yet different. I raced to the door. Charlie answered looking confused and miserable. His eyes were puffy and bloodshot red. _

_"Edward. . .thank you so much for coming. But how did you get here so fast. All the way from California?" Charlie asked even more confused. "Carlise and I took a little trip to Port Angeles for a medical conference. I came in the Volvo, but it is at our old house. I ran here." I said. Trying to make him believe the lie. He took it even if it didn't make sense. _

_"Can I see the letter Charlie?" I asked. I needed to know if there were any clues to where Bella was. I walked in after Charlie. As he handed me the letter I saw Bella the I left her, the day she cane back form __**that**__ night, and her of the last month. I wanted to kill myself. I had done this to her. I saw all of this in Charlie's head. I read the letter, twice, 3 times, 4 times. It was true. Bella, my Bella was killing herself because of me. _

_"Charlie, I will be back. I want you to call this number. It's Alice. Tell her everything the go look for anything missing. Call if you find anything. I'll be back." I said quickly to Charlie. I wrote down Alice's number and ran to my house. _

_I arrived and I smelt Bella's scent. She had been here recently. I followed he scent. It went to every room in the house. In every room it went to there was a note for a different family member. The last room she went to was mine. On my leather couch was a note for me in her hand. _

Edward,

Thank you so much for giving me all the time with you that you did. I always knew that I was not good enough for you, but thank you for giving me a chance. I am not mad at you for being honest. I am sorry I'm not good enough for you. You gave me so much, so please live a long, happy life. Continue to exist happily. Please don't feel guilty. I love you and will always love you. With all my heart. My life truly began when I met you. I wouldn't change a single thing about my life, or else I wouldn't have met you. Thank you for giving me life, and letting me find love, even if it wasn't mutual. Remember me, and glisten in every sunshine. I'll always be in your memories, I will die in mine. I have taken my own life. This is my freedom from my pain.

Love Always, No Matter What,

Bella

_I did not believe it, I couldn't. I stared at it and re-read it quickly thrice. Bella, she-she thought I __did not __love her! Did she truly believe the lie I had told her. . .but how could she. After all the times I've told her, I love her. How could she not think she wasn't good enough for me, it was __**I**__ who wasn't __good enough__ for her! I could never explain how much I loved her. How could she ask me to go on living with out her? Of course, the love was mutual. Bella was so beautiful, wonderful, and perfect. Even dying she was apologizing for no reason. Always thinking of others. _

_Just as I looked up, I saw my family appear. They all had run home, even Rosalie. They looked at me and said, "What do we know, what can we do to help?" I said only one thing, "Bella left notes."_

_They all ran to their rooms and read their notes, their faces growing in pain. "What, did she leave any clues to where she was going? Alice can you see anything?" I cried. What did Bella tell them? _

"_She left us all very personal notes. Read them to see if there's any clues." Alice told me in a sad voice. I got their letters and read aloud:_

Alice,

I am so sorry for hurting you. I know I considered you my best friend. I am sorry I will never spend time with you again or go on another crazy shopping trip. You have shown me such kindness. Thank you so much for everything, for being my friend, you kindness, and helping me. I don't know if it was real, but I kept my promise to you and Jasper. Friendship is a circle, the memories run round and round. You outshine even the most beautiful places, and are sweet and calm like a beautiful meadow. Please continue to live a long wonderful like, don't be angry, I will be long dead when you read this. I have taken my own life to be free. I love you.

Love Always,

Bella

_Alice started to sob uncontrollably._

Emmett,

You have always been like a big brother to me. You have made me laugh and protected me. I am sorry for causing you any pain. Please continue to live a long happy life. Thank you so much for bringing joy to my life and for everything. Your smile lights up a little part of me like a lighted spot in a dark green forest. I have taken my life. I am sorry for hurting you and your family.

Love Always,

Bella

_Emmett started to sniffle and turned away from us. _

Jasper,

Even though we did not communicate with me a lot, I felt as though you were my brother. I am sorry, so sorry for what happened at my birthday. It was my entire fault. I don't know if it was real, but I am so sorry for making you feel all of my pain, I kept my promise. Thank you so much for everything and for protecting me. Our relationship has been bumpy, like a difficult path in a forest but we made it to the light. Please live a long happy life. I have taken my life but please try and help make everyone happy with your talents. I have always loved you like a brother.

Love Always,

Bella

_Jasper lost it, he went to a different room, the emotions and note were too powerful for him._

Rosalie,

I am so sorry for anything I did to offend you. I am sorry we never knew anything about each other and I am so sorry for hurting your family. I always thought of you as family. I hope in time you can forgive me for anything I've done to you because I won't do anything to you again. I have taken my life, so I needed to tell you I am so sorry for any pain I cause your family. Please continue to live happy lives. Please don't hate me I was always jealous of your beauty and self-confidence. I have always loved you like a sister. I am sorry, always, thank you for everything. Your beauty stands out like the most beautiful wild flower.

Love Always,

Bella

_Rosalie buried her head in _Emmett's_ chest, sobbing quietly. _

Esme,

Thank you so much for everything you have done for me. You are like another mother. You are so loving and kind. I am so blessed to know you and your wonderful family. I am so sorry for hurting your family and I am sorry I never really got to say good-bye. Please don't hate me, I have taken my life and I hope in time you can forgive me. You were always there to comfort me and you protected me many times. Your love and kindness is so sweet like a bird singing. I will always love you and I am so sorry.

Love Always,

Bella

_Esme started sobbing in Carlise's shoulder._

Carlise,

Thank you so much for helping me. You have protected me, helped me, and shown me nothing but kindness. I am so sorry for any pain or hurt I've caused you and your family. You are probably the bravest and best man I've ever known. Thank you so much for always taking care of my injuries. I can never thank you enough for everything you've done. You made your family and showed me the love of my life. I know you've treated every single pain I've had, but the only way to end this pain is what I've done. My only freedom is taking my life. Please make sure your family and you continue to live your lives happy lives. I am sorry I love you. You have healed my body but not my memories. You are like a second father.

Love Always,

Bella

_At this Carlise's face became a stone, only his eyes showed the pain. As I finished reading each letter, I turned to Alice who seemed to be getting a control of herself. I tuned out every thought; I didn't want to hear them. "Alice, can you see anything, it's almost twilight." I said in an agonized voice. _

"_Edward, I haven't seen her, but all of our letters have one thing in common." Alice said sadly, her eyes showing only pain, like everyone else's. "What, Alice, what do they all have in common!" I practically screamed. What, why couldn't she just tell me. We were going to be too late, she could be anywhere. _

"_They (all the notes) talk or say something about one place, in Bella and your memories. The Meadow." Carlise said. I couldn't stand all of their painful thoughts. They were right they all had to do with the meadow. Bella must have done this unconsciously. Just when they said it I raced out the door with Alice and Carlise trailing me. I ran as fast as I could. I saw Bella pull out a knife; the knife I used at her house. She took one last look and raised the knife high, aiming for her heart. . ._

_**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO**_

_**I know I'm evil, sorry. . .I had to leave a cliffy. . .to all of those who want me to continue w/ this fanfic let me know. . .if you want me to continue or have any suggestions please tell me. . .cant wait to hear what you think. . .was this okay or was it too confusing. . .well T.T.F.N.**_

_**Astalavista**_

_**beautiful-bella or Jacquelyn**_


	7. Author's Note: Imporant

_**Hey sorry, but I want to know how many people think that Edward should find out about Bella cutting herself?? Please read n review. . .thanx. . .**_

_**beautiful-bella **_

_**or Jacquelyn**_


	8. Preview Death

_**Author's Note- -I am sooooooo sorry for not updating. . .I've had a lot of homework and I couldn't figure out what I wanted to happen, then I didn't see my editor (my bff) for a while. . .all in all, I'm so sorry. . .I'll try to update sooner. . .well, I hope u like this chapter and I want to know what you think of the story and how you guys want it continued. . .please don't hate me, sorry hope you enjoy this preview. . .oh yeah, sorry ummm, this is just a preview of the next chapter, I'm not done yet but I feel really bad about not updating. . .pleas R&R. . .**_

_**Disclaimer- - -sadly, I don't own the Twilight series or characters, but I do own my own copies of the book and I do own this plot and fanfic. . .**_

_**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO**_

_**Preview. . .**_

_**Bella's POV**_

_I let my arm fall, amazingly I didn't feel the pain of death. I t must be because of all the other pain, I couldn't feel the physical pain because the emotional pain drowned it out. Then, I knew I was dead. I felt someone tackle me then nothing but the blackness. Coming from beyond the darkness was my love's voice, his voice was shouting to me. I must go to his voice, I must be with my love, even if he didn't love me. _

"_Bella, Bella, Bella love!" He said in his velvety voice, only he was in pain, he shouldn't be in pain. _

_The blackness completely took me over._

_**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO**_

_**Edward's POV**_

_Bella's arm fell straight for her heart. __Must save Bella, Must save Bella…__ The thought repeated over and over in my head. I ran towards her at my full speed. The knife struck her, yet she didn't seem to feel the pain at all. I tackled her to the ground, maybe too harshly. I screamed to her trying to make her conscious again, praying she wasn't dead. I smelt her mouthwatering blood. The monster in me screamed to taste it, to kill her myself, but I loved her too much, I pushed the monster down and kept it quiet. "Bella, Bella, Bella love!" I screamed at her, praying she would answer. Then, she lost all conciseness. Her pulse was slowing as I picked up my love and ran faster than I ever have straight to Carlisle. In mere seconds I was in Carlisle's office. As Carlisle started working I smelt her blood more powerfully. _


	9. Death

Author's Note- -I am sooooooo sorry for not updating

_**Author's Note- -I am sooooooo sorry for not updating. . .I've had a lot of homework and I couldn't figure out what I wanted to happen, then I didn't see my editor (my bff) for a while. . .all in all, I'm so sorry. . .I'll try to update sooner. . .well, I hope u like this chapter and I want to know what you think of the story and how you guys want it continued. . .please don't hate me, sorry hope you enjoy this preview. . .oh yeah, sorry ummm, this is just a preview of the next chapter, I'm not done yet but I feel really bad about not updating. . .pleas R&R. . .**_

_**Disclaimer- - -sadly, I don't own the Twilight series or characters, but I do own my own copies of the book and I do own this plot and fanfic. . .**_

_**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO**_

_**Preview. . .**_

_**Bella's POV**_

_I let my arm fall; amazingly, I didn't feel the pain of death. I t must be because of all the other pain, I couldn't feel the physical pain because the emotional pain drowned it out. Then, I knew I was dead. I felt someone tackle me then nothing but the blackness. Coming from beyond the darkness was my love's voice, his voice was shouting to me. I must go to his voice; I must be with my love, even if he didn't love me. _

"_Bella, Bella, Bella love!" He said in his velvety voice, only he was in pain, he shouldn't be in pain. _

_The blackness completely took me over._

_**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO**_

_**Edward's POV**_

_Bella's arm fell straight for her heart. __Must save Bella, Must save Bella…__ The thought repeated over and over in my head. I ran towards her at my full speed. The knife struck her, yet she didn't seem to feel the pain at all. I tackled her to the ground, maybe too harshly. I screamed to her trying to make her conscious again, praying she wasn't dead. I smelt her mouthwatering blood. The monster in me screamed to taste it, to kill her myself, but I loved her too much, I pushed the monster down and kept it quiet. "Bella, Bella, Bella love!" I screamed at her, praying she would answer. Then, she lost all conciseness. Her pulse was slowing as I picked up my love and ran faster than I ever have straight to Carlisle. In mere seconds, I was in Carlisle's office. As Carlisle started working, I smelt her blood more powerfully. My family burst in. They were all hungry but they were trying to control themselves. All of them looked at Bella and their mouths dropped open. I knew Charlie must be going crazy so in a voice I didn't recognize, I said, "Go talk to Charlie, tell him what happened." Esme did it, Jasper was going crazy from the pain and the smell of blood. All the emotions weren't helping and Alice was trying to calm him down. Bella's blood was so sweet, I needed it, wanted it, craved it, but I couldn't have it. The monster inside me was clawing at my insides, trying to get out. But, I couldn't get her blood, she was Bella, _**my Bella. **_Finally, Jasper snapped and tried to attack Bella. Emmett, Alice, and Jasper left. Emmett looked sadly at me and thought, "Sorry man, I just can't stand seeing my little sis like that." Everyone left (except Carlisle, who was still working) yet, Rosalie stayed. Rosalie whispered in Bella's ear, "Bella, I'm so sorry. You never did anything wrong, I am jealous of your humanity, that's it. I love you, little sister. Please make it through; it'll kill Edward if you don't. He loves you with all his heart, he needs you, and we all do." Now, I grabbed Bella's right hand and held on tightly. Rosalie held Bella's other hand. I watched my beautiful Bella, and listened to her weak heartbeat. As Carlisle worked, I though of all the things I should be saying to Bella and what I never should have said to her. I also thought of the things I never got a chance to tell her and ask her. Then, bella's face flashed in my mind, right after I told her the lie. The pain in her eyes, she actually believed I didn't want her, her the most wonderful creature I'd ever met, or ever would meet. My insides were tearing each other apart. If I hadn't told her the lie then this would never have happened. That last look on Bell's face was my last memory of her. I should be telling my love what she means to me and how much I need her. How much I love her and how I lied to her to save her from my life but failed. I should be saying this but I couldn't get my mouth to move. All I could do was stare at my beautiful angel and listen to her weak heartbeat. I don't know how long it had been: weeks, days, seconds, hours, even still I never left bella's side and Rosalie never left my side. I don't know if she was really sad for Bella or if she was just feeling guilty about bella's final note to her, either way, she stayed. Rosalie kept assuring me that Bella would pull through but I didn't listen. What if she was wrong, Bella had been through so much with me. First, I nearly kill her, then she's almost attacked by James then, jasper attacks her. She's seen two people killed in front of her, oh Bella. Why you, why did all of this happen to you. You are so perfect. Why you my angel, my love. Then, I realized I had been mumbling," Bella. . .Bella. . .love. . .why. . .please. . ." this whole time in a soft, pleading voice. Finally, Carlisle spoke. "Edward. Um, I'm sorry but I_


	10. Author

Author's note- - -I am so sorry 4 posting a preview and not finishing

_**Author's note- - -I am so sorry 4 posting a preview and not finishing. . .please if anyone is still reading this, please forgive me. . .I finished my story, finally but now I have 2 type it up, it's about 30-35 pages, front and back so I'll type it up as fast as I can but please be patient. . .I know I'm asking for a lot but, to all my readers, I'm trying my best. . .this was very hard to write and I will be writing an alternate ending too. . .so look forward to it, a little treat for all my loyal readers. . .thanks very much. . .**_

_**Beautiful-bella or Jacquelyn**_


	11. Damned or Dead

Author's Note--duh, duh duh duh, duh duh duh duh duh duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

_**Author's Note--duh, duh duh duh, duh duh duh duh duh duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. . .i am finally finished with A Moment of Pain, of Freedom. . .i am so sorry for the long wait and I hope you don't hate me. . .i know that I probably should have finished a lot sooner but I hope, somewhere I have some readers still. . .i am working on a new story, I am already writing it, but I wont update very fast because I actually got a job for the summer so sorry. . .please read my new and future stories. . .also, please R&R and tell me what you want to happen in the alternate ending and what you didn't like in this and how I can improve. . .please enjoy. . .the ending alone was 27 pages on when typed up. . .**_

_**Disclaimer- - -sadly, I don't own Twilight or any of he characters, but I do own this plot. . .only the wonderful Ms. Stephanie Meyer owns Edward, Bella, and the rest. . .**_

_**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO**_

_**Edward's POV**_

_Bella's arm fell straight for her heart. __Must save Bella, Must save Bella…__ The thought repeated over and over in my head. I ran towards her at my full speed. The knife struck her, yet she didn't seem to feel the pain at all. I tackled her to the ground, maybe too harshly. I screamed to her trying to make her conscious again, praying she wasn't dead. I smelt her mouthwatering blood. The monster in me screamed to taste it, to kill her myself, but I loved her too much, I pushed the monster down and kept it quiet. "Bella, Bella, Bella love!" I screamed at her, praying she would answer. Then, she lost all conciseness. _

_Her pulse was slowing as I picked up my love and ran faster than I ever have straight to Carlisle. In mere seconds, I was in Carlisle's office. As Carlisle started working, I smelt her blood more powerfully. My family burst in. They were all hungry but they were trying to control themselves. All of them looked at Bella and their mouths dropped open. I knew Charlie must be going crazy so in a voice I didn't recognize, I said, "Go talk to Charlie, tell him what happened." _

_Esme did it, Jasper was going crazy from the pain and the smell of blood. All the emotions weren't helping and Alice was trying to calm him down. Bella's blood was so sweet, I needed it, wanted it, craved it, but I couldn't have it. The monster inside me was clawing at my insides, trying to get out. But, I couldn't get her blood, she was Bella, _**my Bella. **_Finally, Jasper snapped and tried to attack Bella. Emmett, Alice, and Jasper left. Emmett looked sadly at me and thought, "Sorry man, I just can't stand seeing my little sis like that." Everyone left (except Carlisle, who was still working) yet, Rosalie stayed. Rosalie whispered in Bella's ear, "Bella, I'm so sorry. You never did anything wrong, I am jealous of your humanity, that's it. I love you, little sister. Please make it through; it'll kill Edward if you don't. He loves you with all his heart, he needs you, and we all do." _

_Now, I grabbed Bella's right hand and held on tightly. Rosalie held Bella's other hand. I watched my beautiful Bella, and listened to her weak heartbeat. As Carlisle worked, I though of all the things I should be saying to Bella and what I never should have said to her. I also thought of the things I never got a chance to tell her and ask her. Then, bella's face flashed in my mind, right after I told her the lie. The pain in her eyes, she actually believed I didn't want her, her the most wonderful creature I'd ever met, or ever would meet. _

_My insides were tearing each other apart. If I hadn't told her the lie then this would never have happened. That last look on Bell's face was my last memory of her. I should be telling my love what she means to me and how much I need her. How much I love her and how I lied to her to save her from my life but failed. I should be saying this but I couldn't get my mouth to move. All I could do was stare at my beautiful angel and listen to her weak heartbeat. _

_I don't know how long it had been: weeks, days, seconds, hours, even still I never left bella's side and Rosalie never left my side. I don't know if she was really sad for Bella or if she was just feeling guilty about bella's final note to her, either way, she stayed. Rosalie kept assuring me that Bella would pull through but I didn't listen. What if she was wrong, Bella had been through so much with me. First, I nearly kill her, then she's almost attacked by James then, jasper attacks her. She's seen two people killed in front of her, oh Bella. Why you, why did all of this happen to you. You are so perfect. Why you my angel, my love. _

_Then, I realized I had been mumbling," Bella. . .Bella. . .love. . .why. . .please. . ." this whole time in a soft, pleading voice. Finally, Carlisle spoke. "Edward. Umm, I'm sorry but I can't do anything for Bella. She pierced the middle of her heart. She just lost too much blood. It isn't your fault, you were just trying to give her a __**clean break.**_

_As I heard Carlisle say those words my entire universe shattered. I must be able to save my love, to save Bella. Rosalie stopped breathing, Carlisle's eyes showed nothing but regret and sympathy. _

_"Is there no way to save her? Can I do nothing? I'll do anything!" I begged. Rosalie turned and started to sob tearlessly. Carlisle cautiously said," Well, the only thing that can save her is if __you__ change her. It's your choice Edward. I can't do it. You must make your decision fast, she doesn't have much time left." I knew he was right. I could hear her weak heart beat slowing. What should I do. . .save Bella's life but damn her soul or let her die. I couldn't let Bella die but I couldn't damn her soul. God, please help me, what should I do? "Bella, please know that I love you, with all my heart. I only left to give you a chance at a normal life. You are my life, you are the reason for my existence. Please, I know what you've been through, I know that I'm the reason you're here but please, please pull through. I am nothing without you!" Bella's eyelids fluttered a little, she was trying to pull through. _

_As she tried to speak, her heart slowed even more. What to do? Bella, love, I can't live without you. "Forgive me, I love you Bella." I said regretfully as I bent down and bit her soft neck. Her blood was so sweet, it was even better than it smelled and how I remembered it, much, much, much better. The venom from my teeth spurted into her blood stream. However, I could not stop drinking her blood was too perfect, I __had__ to stop. I reluctantly pulled away and then the pain was too much for Bella, she finally felt the pain. _

_Bella's eyes fluttered open and she began panting. Bella's desperate eyes found me and her eyes filled with pain, love, and sorrow. I knew I was the reason for all of those things. I hated myself for causing her all of these things and for damning her soul. I grabbed her hand and held on tightly. "Edward. . .love. . .you. . .don't. . .hate me. . .continue. . .living. . ." Bella said between pants in a desperate, yet beautiful voice. I was so happy that she was awake that I didn't pay attention to her heart rate. She took a couple more breaths and smiled slightly. She closed her eyes and her heart stopped. The life left her and she was no more_

_No, not my Bella. She couldn't be dead. I listened again for the beautiful music that was her heartbeat; it was gone. I would never hear it again. _

_"No! Bella please, love, Bella wake up. Bella!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. I grabbed her body and held her close to me. I wouldn't except it, Bella couldn't be. . .I couldn't say the evil word. _


	12. Jasper Tells

Author's Note--duh, duh duh duh, duh duh duh duh duh duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

_**Author's Note--duh, duh duh duh, duh duh duh duh duh duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. . .i am finally finished with A Moment of Pain, of Freedom. . .i am so sorry for the long wait and I hope you don't hate me. . .i know that I probably should have finished a lot sooner but I hope, somewhere I have some readers still. . .i am working on a new story, I am already writing it, but I wont update very fast because I actually got a job for the summer so sorry. . .please read my new and future stories. . .also, please R&R and tell me what you want to happen in the alternate ending and what you didn't like in this and how I can improve. . .please enjoy. . .the ending alone was 27 pages on when typed up. . .**_

_**Disclaimer- - -sadly, I don't own Twilight or any of he characters, but I do own this plot. . .only the wonderful Ms. Stephanie Meyer owns Edward, Bella, and the rest. . .**_

_**Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo**_

_Rosalie was sobbing tearlessly and Carlisle was trying to be brave but was in pain too. I started sobbing uncontrollably, yet because of what I am I couldn't even cry for my loved one. She was stolen by __death__, I hated to face the truth, but Bella, my love, my angel, my perfect Bella was dead. I just sat there and rocked back and forth. Rosalie and Carlisle left me alone, to go tell the others the news. _

_Charlie took the news bad but refused to see Bella like this. Esme was trying to comfort him. For two days I didn't let Bella go, I just rocked back and forth holding Bella. Finally, on the third day Alice came in and gently pried Bella's body out of my arms. I was in a daze, lost on thought and pain, but when she finished I realized what she was doing. I tried to reach for Bella again but Alice stopped me. _

_"No, give me Bella back Alice." I said in a quiet, raspy voice I didn't recognize._

_"No, she's gone. Let her go. Come on Edward. Please, come with me. "Alice said in a whisper. With that I started punching everything insight; computers, bookshelves, books, windows, walls, everything. I had to get the anger out. _

_"No, she isn't dead!" I roared, still destroying everything. "She can't be! It wasn't supposed to happen this way, I was supposed to save! It's all my fault. I'm the reason my Bella is. . .is __**DEAD**__!!"_

_"No, Edward it's not your fault. You had no way of knowing this would happen Edward. None of this is your fault. You did what you thought was best. You didn't know how Bella would react; you didn't know she would see Angela get murdered in front of her!" Alice said in a soothing voice. _

_"Yes it IS! Don't you get it, Alice, I am the reason she went into depression. If I had been there no one would have gotten hurt, not Bella, not Angela, no one. I'm the one who waited too long to change Bella. It's all my fault, I couldn't save her. __**Why couldn't I save her?!**__" I shouted angrily. I stopped destroying everything and fell to the floor, sobbing uncontrollably. _Why couldn't I save Bella?_ I screamed in my head. _

_"Edward, stop this right now. We can't sit around blaming ourselves. Bella wouldn't want us to. I don't know why you couldn't save her. . .or why I couldn't see this happen. Please, you can't help her now. We have to start moving on. I know this seems impossible but it can happen, but it will take time." Alice said in a quiet, sad-regretful voice. _

_"How can you even think I'll be able to move on!" I shouted. I couldn't live without her, she was, is my life. Was Alice insane._

_"First, you have to forgive, forgive yourself, forgive Bella, forgive. Then, mourn. You mourn and finally, accept. You must accept the fact that Bella is gone. After, you will be okay, you will always love and miss Bella but you will be able to go on with life. I know it sounds impossible but it will happen, it just might take a while." Alice said leaving my room._

_**"I DON'T WANT TO BE OKAY ALICE!! I WANT BELLA BACK, I WANT NONE OF THIS TO HAVE HAPPENED!!"**__ I roared at the top of my lungs. I couldn't move on ever. I never would. Alice didn't reply, she just left me to think about what she said. _

_I gently put Bella on the bed and arranged her like she was sleeping. My sleeping beauty. I sat next to her and prayed with all my might that Bella's heart would start again. I sat and prayed and thought of all the things that happened. All the questions I never answered for Bella and all the questions I never asked. The conversations we never had and the places we never went. The things we never did. Oh God, why did this happen._

_XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO_

_"Alice, we have to tell him. If we had told him after we caught Bella none of this was would have happened. We're responsible for Bella's death. We have to tell him." Jasper said frustrated. Alice and Jasper were arguing over something. I had tried not to listen but I couldn't help it. What had they caught Bella doing that Jasper wanted to tell me. _

_"No, if he knew he would only be worse off. It's for his own good. We cant tell him." Alice said matching Jasper's tone. _

_"I will do what I think is right. We made the mistake not telling him. I won't do it again. You didn't feel Bella's feeling. Edward's are exactly the same. I can't stand letting someone go through that. I won't live with the guilt. Edward thinks he's guilty, you are blaming yourself for not seeing this, Carlisle's blaming himself for not being able to save Bella, __**everyone is so guilty**__. All the pain, sorrow, anger, guilt, everything is killing me. I'm telling Edward!" Jasper said. "If you tell, Edward he will be even more pain. It will kill to know that Bella did that. He'll only blame himself more. He'll just keep pulling away. I wont let you do that Jasper, I won't let you hurt him even more, no matter how much I love you!" Alice roared, venom coating every word. _

_"Alice,. . ." Jasper said, pausing and continued in a quiet voice I struggled to hear,"I'm not asking for your permission. I am doing what I think is right. Now, I want to do say good-bye to Bella. Whether you agree or not I'm telling Edward. If you'll hate me I'll understand, but I'll always love you!"_

_With that their loud conversation ended and I went back to rocking back and forth, praying while part of me wondered what Jasper wanted to tell me. What would Bella and my life have been like with out one leaving? Bella, oh Bella, please come back to me. _

_Later that day, or was it night, Jasper entered slowly. I didn't look up or even acknowledge his presence. He sat down quietly next to me. "Edward, I know you heard Alice and my argument. I want no need to tell you something." He said in a sad quiet whisper. "In the good-bye letters to Alice and me when Bella said she kept her promise I know what she promised us. I lied to you. I am so sorry."_

_"About a month before Angela was killed Bella was starting to cut herself. Alice was it in a vision and I felt every single emotion Bella felt, everything she went through. We tried to stop her but finally after her first time we convinced her to stop and we made her promise never to do it again. I know you're mad that we didn't tell you. I wanted to, I'm so incredibly sorry."_

_No, not my Bella, she would not. Even if she was in pain, she wouldn't. Would she? Bella what have I done to you?! Why did I leave you, I ruined your life. Were you in so much pain that cutting yourself was you only way of escaping. Were you depressed and desperate enough to cut yourself? It's all my fault. Why you, why you my beautiful Bella. _

_"Edward, please let me finish. I'm going to show you my memories of Bella cutting herself so you can understand her pain and understand why she committed suicide. But, you cant blame yourself. Do you understand, please, I know Bella, she didn't blame you, so please don't feel guilty. Everyone is and I'm so sorry. Also, a little warning, you will feel everything Bella feels, so be prepared, it'll be a shock for you." Jasper said in the same sad, quiet tone._


	13. Edward's Choice

Author's Note--duh, duh duh duh, duh duh duh duh duh duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

_**Author's Note--duh, duh duh duh, duh duh duh duh duh duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. . .i am finally finished with A Moment of Pain, of Freedom. . .I am so sorry for the long wait and I hope you don't hate me. . .I know that I probably should have finished a lot sooner but I hope, somewhere I have some readers still. . .I am working on a new story, I am already writing it, but I wont update very fast because I actually got a job for the summer so sorry. . .please read my new and future stories. . .also, please R&R and tell me what you want to happen in the alternate ending and what you didn't like in this and how I can improve. . .please enjoy. . .the ending alone was 27 pages on when typed up. . .**_

_**Disclaimer- - -sadly, I don't own Twilight or any of he characters, but I do own this plot. . .only the wonderful Ms. Stephanie Meyer owns Edward, Bella, and the rest. . .**_

_**Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo**_

_I saw Bella cutting herself, the smile of relief after, and all her pain. I saw her confusion at seeing Alice and me. The pain was so intense, all the guilt and agony. I could not believe Bella was still able to survive. I sobbed at everything Bella was doing. When was this terrible memory going to end. _

_Finally, the memory ended. I screamed you in agony. Bella oh Bella. I am so sorry, you were in so much pain, I forced you to do that. Oh God, I am so worthless. I didn't even realize I was screaming and sobbing tearlessly. Jasper was still next to me, feeling all of Bella and my pain was torture to him. Finally, I gained control of myself enough to say," Jasper I 'm so sorry. This is all my fault. I'll try to keep better control of my emotions. Can you please go." He opened his mouth as if to say something but decided against it and walked out of the room with out another word._

_I held Bella's lifeless body closer to my body. Why couldn't I save Bella. I needed Bella. Well, if she couldn't join me, I'd join her! Quickly, over all my pain I made plans. Looking down at Bella's lifeless body I thought of what she said when I left. What if my soul wasn't damned? What I by suicide I could join her! The Volturi wouldn't want to do it but I'd make them. Maybe I'd throw some cars through window or bring down some buildings. Whatever I do I'd have to be precise about it. Alice couldn't know! I __was__ going do die._

To my Family,

I know that you all feel guilty about what happened to Bella, but if was none of your faults, it was all mine. I am so sorry for doing this but I cant live without Bella. I'm not sure is you'll understand, but I need you to know that I love you, all. By the time you read this, I will be dead. I am having the Volturi do it, I am hoping Bella's right, maybe we aren't damned, maybe we can go to heaven. Maybe, just maybe I will see Bella again, and we can be together forever.

Carlisle, thank you so much for giving me life, I have gained and learned so much. Thank you for everything you've given me. You have been the best father anyone could ask for.

Esme, you have been the best mother, to everyone. Thank you for always caring and always being there. I love you so much. Thank you for everything.

Rosalie, even though we don't always get along I always care about you. You are a terrific sister. I will always miss you, I love you.

Emmett, you are a fun caring brother. Thank you for all your jokes and always making me laugh. Thank you for everything you have done for me and for Bella. I can never say how much you protecting Bella has meant to me.

Alice, you are so crazy but we've always been close. Thank you for always caring and being sympathetic. You've been the best sister I could ever ask for. I love you. Thank you for everything you've done for and Bella.

Jasper, thank you for everything. Thank you for telling me and thank you for caring. You've been a great brother. I understand why you told me and I appreciate it. Thank you again for everything you've done for me and Bella.

_As I wrote my final letter, I placed them in the living room. My family had left me alone and went to go hunting. I hugged Bella tightly one last time and kissed her perfect cold, lifeless lips. I placed Bella like she was sleeping on my couch. She was so beautiful, perfect, even in death. I was truly a monster, to have caused an angel such as Bella to commit suicide. I only hoped Bella was right and I wasn't damned. I hoped that I could be with Bella again. As I boarded a plane to Italy, I thought again, about why I couldn't save my love. I remembered what Jasper showed me and I felt a pain in my chest like never before. My heart, thought not beating, was breaking at what I put Bella through. _

_Then, I suddenly remembered Bella's heartbeat and how weak it was. Her last words echoed in my head, "Edward. . .love. . .you. . .don't. . .hate me. . .continue. . .living. . .sorry. . ." How could I ever hate my angel, my Bella? She asked me to continue living yet, how could I, how she could even ask me to when she was gone! I was lost in thought when an elderly flight attendant gently shook me. I opened my eyes and saw her expression lighten. Then, the pain was too much, Bella was gone and I would never see my family again. As I sobbed actual venom filled tears fell from my eyes. _

_"It's alright son. Come on. You will be fine. I did not mean to disturb you it's just that the flight is over. We have to leave." The elderly women said in a quiet voice. I tried to collect myself and I said as best I could," Thank you. You did not disturb me, I am a little distraught. My girlfriend just died, I am on my way to her funeral. Please don't worry." I quietly got up and walked of f the plane. As soon as I got off the plane, I fan as fast as I could straight to the Volturi. Within 15 minutes, I was there. I walked in and went straight to Aro, Marcus, and Caius. _

_As soon as I entered, the three turned to look at me. Before they could talk, I said in as much of a controlled voice as I could, "I am Edward Cullen, from Carlisle's family and I request that you kill me." _

_"Did you say Carlisle? How is our old friend, then?" Aro asked curious. His mind was racing with what he thought I meant. Caius was annoyed and wondering who I thought I was to just barge in. Marcus was sensing my love for Bella and why I wanted to die for her. _

_"Carlisle is fine. He is successful and still on his animal blood. My whole family is. Aro, please I beg you, please kill me." I said as calmly and bravely as I could. Aro suddenly walked towards me as if to shake my hand. I knew then that he wanted to read my mind. I also knew they wouldn't do what I wanted unless I let Aro. I reached out and touched his chalky hand. _

_Out of nowhere, memories were passing by with increasing speed. I remembered being changed, the pain, my rebel years, meeting Bella. When I saw Bella's face so clearly, untouched with death and never knowing any danger from me, my heart ripped in two. The blush in her cheeks, her smell, her beautiful voice, her wonderful musical heartbeat, my Bella. It was too much. Then, my venom tears started to fall. _

_More memories of Bella came. The van almost hitting her, taking to her in the meadow that first time. The first night I stayed with her and the first night, she knew I stayed with her. My first kiss with Bella. Sucking Bella's blood to get James' venom out. James over Bella. Leaving Bella to hunt James, her face as tears poured down. Bella in the hospital, Bella at prom, the many times we said I love you. Oh how true those three little words were, for both of them, they could never truly tell them how strong their love was. Bella while she slept, saying I love you for the first. Bella at her birthday, she face as Japer attacked her. Bella's face as I grew more distant, the confusion in her chocolate eyes. _

_And finally the most painful thing ever, the most painful memory, Bella's face as I told her I didn't love her, that she wasn't good enough for me, the biggest lie of my life and the worst. Bella through Jasper's memory, cutting herself, the pain she felt. Bella as she stabbed herself; the tears were flowing endlessly now. Bella as Carlisle worked. My last memory of her alive, Bella's last words echoed in my head and her as she finally let go of life, death taking over Bella's perfect person. After what seemed like years, probably only seconds Aro let go of my hand, all the pain came crashing down one me. _


	14. Memories

Author's Note--duh, duh duh duh, duh duh duh duh duh duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

_**Author's Note--duh, duh duh duh, duh duh duh duh duh duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. . .i am finally finished with A Moment of Pain, of Freedom. . .I am so sorry for the long wait and I hope you don't hate me. . .I know that I probably should have finished a lot sooner but I hope, somewhere I have some readers still. . .I am working on a new story, I am already writing it, but I wont update very fast because I actually got a job for the summer so sorry. . .please read my new and future stories. . .also, please R&R and tell me what you want to happen in the alternate ending and what you didn't like in this and how I can improve. . .please enjoy. . .the ending alone was 27 pages on when typed up. . .**_

_**Disclaimer- - -sadly, I don't own Twilight or any of he characters, but I do own this plot. . .only the wonderful Ms. Stephanie Meyer owns Edward, Bella, and the rest. . .**_

_**Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo**_

_I fell to the ground and broke down. Aro's face was pained and surprised. "Oh my, that was interesting. Marcus did you feel the intensity of their relationship?" Aro paused as Marcus slowly nodded, still wondering yet slightly surprised. He continued, "Caius, Edward here wants us to kill him because his love, a human named Bella, committed suicide after he left. Apparently, he didn't think he was good enough for her." He informed his brother. Aro seemed even more fascinated with me, while Caius silently mocked me. _

_"Are those real tears coming from your eyes? This is a first, I did not think we were capable of crying, I do not want to oblige with your request but I have felt your pain. I cannot let you go through that pain, no matter how much of a curiosity you are. We will grant your wish as a favor to our friend Carlisle. You must make sure your family does not come seeking us for revenge. May you find what you are looking for." _

_"If you would, please deliver my ashes to my family." I said quietly, barely making any sound. I couldn't believe it, I was going to be with Bella again. Aro nodded his head and I thought only of Bella. Before I could hear another thought, the bodyguards of Aro were ripping me apart. I closed my eyes and felt the pain. I thought death would be more painful, but after losing Bella, I really did not care or seem to notice, I had felt worse pain after losing Bella. I heard chunks of flesh rip away from me and hit the stone ground. _

_I remembered each of my family members: Carlisle's kind, in control face; Esme's loving, kind nature; Rosalie's beauty and sometimes generosity; Emmett's young joyful self, always like a playful big brother; Jasper's quiet nature, yet caring self; and Alice, Alice's tiny ness, her always all-knowing nature and her completely terrifying, crazy self, her kindness and sympathy. I save Bella for last. _

_I remembered every curve, every scar and mark. I remembered the paleness of her, the color of her when she blushed. The texture and length of her dark brown hair. The intensity of her eyes, so beautiful. The sound of her magical voice and her musical laugh. The faces she made, the way she reacted to everything. The texture and temperature of her soft skin, oh that heat, it warmed me to my core. Oh, how I hoped Bella was right, please let me be with her again._

_My mind finally began to leave me. Aro, Marcus and Caius pitied me and wished me well. I silently thanked them. Finally, the guards ripped off my head. They threw my chunks of flesh on together and lit them on fire. The smoke turned purple and was a sickly sweet scent. The flames burned my flesh. The heat was so intense yet I still felt greater at the thought of Bella. Slowly, my flesh turned to ash. After thirty minutes, I was finally dead. _

_Aro put out the flames and gathered up my ashes. He told a servant to get a stone box. He poured my remains inside and had a guard, Demetri, run me home to my family._


	15. Mourning, Letters, Blood, and Tears

Author's Note--duh, duh duh duh, duh duh duh duh duh duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

_**Author's Note--duh, duh duh duh, duh duh duh duh duh duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. . .i am finally finished with A Moment of Pain, of Freedom. . .I am so sorry for the long wait and I hope you don't hate me. . .I know that I probably should have finished a lot sooner but I hope, somewhere I have some readers still. . .I am working on a new story, I am already writing it, but I wont update very fast because I actually got a job for the summer so sorry. . .please read my new and future stories. . .also, please R&R and tell me what you want to happen in the alternate ending and what you didn't like in this and how I can improve. . .please enjoy. . .the ending alone was 27 pages on when typed up. . .**_

_**Disclaimer- - -sadly, I don't own Twilight or any of he characters, but I do own this plot. . .only the wonderful Ms. Stephanie Meyer owns Edward, Bella, and the rest. . .**_

_**Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo**_

_**Alice POV**_

_Ever since Demetri brought Edward's ashes home no one has spoken a word. Esme in Carlisle's arms and Carlisle put on a brave face. Rosalie cried all the time and Emmett sat at Edward's piano, hoping to hear Edward playing. Jasper listened to Edwards CD's. He seemed okay, like he understood something we didn't. _

_"Jasper, are you okay? It's been two days and you haven't said anything," I asked quietly, whispering. _

_"I'm fine. I am terribly sad that he's gone but I understand why he did it." Jasper said in a calm voice, also whispering._

_"What do you mean you understand his reasons!" I exploded. How could he think Edward's actions were reasonable?_

_"He was in pain. He lost the love of his existence. You _

_did not feel his pain, I did. He took a risk ad tried to be with Bella again. He risked everything." Jasper said still calmly, still whispering. "Should I open the letter Edward left on Bella's stomach? I also think we should bury Bella and Edward together." Jasper said matter-of-factly, still calmly, still whispering._

_"Okay, I'll make the arrangements. And I think __**you **__should open the letter!" I replied. Then, I left and called Charlie and told him the plan for the funeral. He was fine with it. I went to go plan the arrangements and details._

_XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO_

_**Jasper POV**_

_I quietly picked up Bella's note, slide my finder under the sticky part, and opened it, memories of Bella's last birthday came rushing back, I was disgusted with myself all over again. I took out the note and read it aloud, yet quietly to myself. _

Bella,

I love you so much, I never meant for any of this to happen. The day I left you, I lied. I lied to you because I thought, in fact still believe, that I am not good enough for you. I thought I was depriving you from a normal life so I told you the lie, the worst lie of my existence, that you were not good enough for me. I could see it in our eyes that you truly believed I did not want you, but you have to believe me, it was the farthest thing from the truth. I love you with all me heart, you are the love of my complete existence. I am so sorry for everything that happened to you, I feel intensely guilty about everything your depression, cutting yourself, and Angela's death.

Please, I know you will most likely hate me, but please forgive me. I beg of you. When I read your final letter to me I it killed me, I can't believe you think I don't love you, of course I do, that will never change. After you stabbed yourself, I thought I would die from the pain. All I did was think of the things I should have told you and the things I should have done. I truly tried to save you, Carlisle did everything he could, I even tried to save you by changing you. I do not know why but I would save you. I am a complete mess without you. I hope with all my heart that you are right, perhaps I am not damned. I am going to the Volturi to be killed and be with you again. I am thinking only of you, when I die, my last thought will be of you. I love you so much please forgive me. I hope that I will see you soon.

Love Always,

_**Edward**_

_**I am eternally yours**_

_As I finished reading that, I thought about what happened and my heart went out to Edward. He risked everything for Bella. Alice was wrong, I knew that Edward was right. Even though he caused us all this pain, I think we all know it was for the best._

_XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO_

_Today was the day to say goodbye to Bella and Edward. The pain and sorrow was extremely intense. Alice had done Bella's make-up, since she knew Bella hated her makeovers she did it very light, almost none at all. Bella was dressed in her blue v-neck shirt and khaki skirt, Edward's favorite outfit. Her long dark brown hair was curled at the ends and falling around Bella's face like a halo, making her look even more beautiful. Bella's eyes were closed and she looked like she was sleeping peacefully, she truly looked like an angel. _

_Charlie was weeping next to Esme who was sobbing into Carlisle's chest. Renee was in Phil's arms, face anguished, tears silently falling. Rosalie was fighting back sobs while Emmett's face was pained. Alice held my hand and was silently sobbing. The only calm face was Carlisle, who was only showing a brave face, his eyes betraying him. Everyone from school was there, Angela's family, the Newton's, the Stanley's, even Lauren was there. The whole town was there and so were Tanya and her family. Aro, Marcus, and Caius came to give their condolences, in the flesh, even they looked grim. Jacob and Billy were there annoyed at the face that Edward was being buried with Bella. Tears fell from both faces. Some other people from La Push were there, everyone had loved Bella, and she was always so sweet and kind. Edward was an amazing person if you knew him._

_The coffin lid was open and everyone was silently saying good bye. Every single person left a rose for Edward and Bella both. Deciding, I went and introduced myself to Renee and Phil. _

_"Excuse me, my name is Jasper Hale, I am, was Edward's brother. I would just like to say, if there is anything I can do please let me know. Bella was like a sister to me and I will miss her too." I said calmly. _

_Renee looked up at me and said in a cold voice, "Well, Jasper is it, I don't really need your help, or your families help because your brother Edward was the reason Bella committed suicide! Your brother did enough for my family and me. If you would please let me mourn my daughter in peace!"_

_Insulted I said in a colder tone, "My brother did everything in his power to save Bella. The only reason he left was because he didn't think he was good enough for her! Edward risked everything for Bella and he couldn't stop Bella's own decision. Don't you dare blame Edward, he loved Bella with every fiber in his being and Bella loved him. I am terribly sorry for your loss and for what you are going through but I will not sit here and let you insult my brother's memory. Again, I offer my condolences and if you need anything I will gladly help. Good day!" _

_As I started to turn my back on the shocked faces of Renee and Phil, he spoke quietly and said, "Thank you. I am not sure if we'll need your help but if we do then I will call you. Good day, and I am sorry for your brother." _

_I turned my back on tem and returned to my mourning family, taking hold of Alice's hand. The service began and the priest started by saying how sometimes God's plan is unclear as to why his children leave Earth and go to heaven at such young ages. He continued by saying that we couldn't doubt God and his plan for the family and friends of Bella and Edward; that we should continue with our lives as they would want us to. _

_I didn't really pay attention to the priest, I'd heard this many times before. When the eulogies began, many people spoke on Bella's behalf- Charlie, Alice, Mike, Jacob, Esme, Renee, Carlisle, Emmett, Jessica, and many others. For Edward all of my family spoke for him (including me), Aro, Tanya, and Charlie. _

_The ceremony passed in a blur for me, all the pain was killing me. I starred at Bella's lifeless, peaceful face and wished with all my heart that I never attacked her all those months ago, that single act caused all of this. This was my fault, my fault, my fault. I would live forever with this guilt and the thought of knowing I was the reason Bella and Edward are dead. Carlisle placed the silver box holding Edward's ashes in Bella's arms. He set it on her stomach, her arms encircling it. I could have sworn I saw a tear slide down Bella's face. I went over the Bella's coffin, stroked her cheek and softly whispered, "Good bye Bella, good bye Edward. May you find peace and may you be together again, forever." I gently closed the coffin lid, closing away Bella and Edward forever. Bella was gone, as was Edward._

_I would continue living with my family as Edward and Bella wanted us to._

_They were finally at peace. As i left i turned to look at the clouds, realizing it was twilight I chuckled a bitter, sad chuckle at the thought of how Edward and Bella's relationship, always in a twilight, ended in a twilight. I placed two blood red roses with on the coffin lid and walked away as the gravediggers lowered them into the ground, slowly burying them forever. I smiled to myself at the thought of Bella and Edward together again, for eternity. _

_They may have suffered a moment of pain, but in return, they got freedom._


	16. TTFN

Author's Note- - -I know I said that the end was 27 pages, but I felt that putting it all together made it to boring

_**Author's Note- - -I know I said that the end was 27 pages, but I felt that putting it all together made it to boring. . .i split the ending up into the last 5 chapters, chapters 11-15. . .i hope you enjoyed my fanfic- A Moment of Pain, of Freedom . . .please leave me review on your opinions, and how you think I could improve. . .**_

_**Thank you for reading my story and for staying with it, even when I took weeks to update. . .**_

_**t.t.f.n.**_

_**astalavista, **_

_**beautiful-bella **_

_**or **_

_**Jacquelyn**_


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